I don't like the feeling of relocating. It is a hard experience that brings many questions to the forefront of my mind that I would have otherwise opted not to entertain. What is important to me? How will I spend my time? My money? My love? What do I want to do with my life? Who do I want to be? Am I that person? How do I get there?... A barrage of questions that seem to open many possibilities and leave them all... unanswered.
There's a lot of searching and frustration when I think about such things. I suspect that much of it can be chalked up to not knowing exactly what the future will hold, but an even greater part is tied up in not really knowing myself. It is usually in the process of relocation that one tends to mentally breakdown exactly what they consider important to themselves. I have been trying to do just that. I must also admit, that it's not exactly knowing what is important to me that is keeping me frustrated, but knowing that I am not living it.
I feel as though I live in a world of grandeur. One of limitless possibilities and ideals. I am a twenty-something with passions and hopes of a better future and of a better me. I'm trying to shape ideas and a worldview and gain some sort of grasp on things, but they seem to evade me when they are confronted with reality and how things already are. I think that reality is the variable in the equation of life. It is the one thing that I didn't count on being there but changes everything.
I think that I have come to realize that I think in a world of grandeur, but live in a world of reality. And that somehow those two are being meshed together, or are at least being brought closer to one another. Ideals and passions and possibilities and dreams keep my head in the clouds, while reality and understanding how things work and how they are keep my feet on the ground.
And I am finding myself somewhere in between.
Now I just need to find some traction and get myself running on the ground (while keeping my head in the clouds). Traction that leads to action. For what good is reality if we're not trying to make it a better one? What good are our lives if we are not dreaming of better ones? What good are our existences if they are not lived for something bigger than ourselves?
So I am going to continue to dream of better days, of a brighter future, of something bigger than myself. And I am going to marry it into reality in the hopes that one day, the two will become one.
I am an idealist and a realist. I am one person. And I am trying to figure out how I am going to play my part in this world and make it a better place. I don't know how yet, and I may be frustrated, but I love the journey.
Comments (1)
Hi. How have you been?
I don't like the feeling of relocating either, it's interesting to read your thoughts on it.